Dying Things

Last night, I went to watch this new movie with Sarah, titled, "My Sister's Keeper". For all those Korean drama fans, this one is a definite watch for you. For gutsy guys, it's still a good movie to watch and I do highly recommend it. I won't want to spoil the story but the gist of the movie is about the lives that revolve around this girl that was dying of cancer. Among the various characters in the movie, I found the character of the mom really interesting. For all the years the daughter had cancer, she did all she could to keep her alive. Because none of them (including husband and son) was incapable of helping her, they made a test tube baby as a donor.

Throughout the entire movie, the mom seemed to be the only one that's not willing to let her daughter die. Despite the fact that she's ready to die and go, the mom was insistent that she can survive and fought hard to keep her alive. But eventually, she accepted that fact and let go.

How many times have we hung on tight on to things in life and not let go? Sometimes the things that we hold onto are just dying and we insist that we can keep it alive and do whatever we can to keep it alive. But dying things, will eventually die, no matter how hard we try to keep it alive and the only changing variable is time. I realized that God was telling me that there are things in my life that I need to learn to let go. These things are dying and affecting me but I'm just not willing to let it go.

Maybe it's time to get a self-check from God's word.

I'm In Repair

Too many shadows in my room

Too many hours in this midnight

Too many corners in my mind

So much to do to set my heart right

I'm in repair

I'm not together but I'm getting there

I'm in repair

I'm not together but I'm getting there

Learning How To Smile

Just about 6 days ago, I was at work and I asked God this question, "Father, in a couple of days I'll be turning 25. How about a birthday message from You?"

As soon as I said that, I heard a loud crash coming from the front. My boss just dropped a container with some rice in it. And before I could say anything, she laughed and threw away the rice.

Thinking about it, my boss always laughs whenever she makes a mistake or something out of her expectation happens. Due to her small size, she's quite often a lil' more clumsy with the heavier things but I've never seen her lose her temper. However, I don't think I can say the same thing about myself. Whenever something goes wrong; may it be with the rice not cooked properly, not being able to keep to my schedule or some clumsy action happens, I get affected. It changes my mood and I might even throw in a frown or a sigh. But looking at how my boss reacts taught me a valuable lesson (Well, not exactly something new but still a refreshing one). I remembered at the beginning of the year, I had trouble juggling around with so many things in my life. But God taught me that suffering as a Christian was character building and teaches me to depend on God. That lesson has slowly dwindled by now and God is reminding me again that I can always look at my problems and smile at them.

On Friday morning, God encouraged me as I started a new book in the Bible, Joshua and this verse was given to me, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

Being 25 today, I truly thank God for such a timely message. He has truly been faithful to me this year despite my ups and downs in my Christian walk. And now, I look forward to what is being installed for me in this coming year. Many things are gonna change and I'm excited to see where God leads me. There's going to be so much that I'll need to learn to adapt to in the coming year as I progress into my next phase in life as a working adult. I'll be juggling different things in my life by then and it'll feel like a whole new experience. But most importantly, amongst everything, I want to learn to do something in this coming year. I want to learn how to smile.

Not Done Yet!

I'm currently having a writer's block.

There have been thoughts where maybe its time for me to say goodbye to this blog, but I just can't let go. This blog has been really close to my heart and there's just too much memories that's been recorded. I seriously hope I'll be able to blog again, though I don't know when. But it won't be a goodbye; I'm pretty sure about that.

I know this blog has still more to offer.

God will inspire me to write again for sure.

Jewelries

You shall make the breastplate of judgment. Artistically woven according to the workmanship of the ephod you shall make it: of gold, blue, purple, and scarlet thread, and fine woven linen, you shall make it. It shall be doubled into a square: a span shall be its length, and a span shall be its width. And you shall put settings of stones in it, four rows of stones.

The first row shall be a sardius, a topaz, and an emerald this shall be the first row.

The second row shall be a turquoise, a sapphire, and a diamond;

the third row, a jacinth, an agate and an amenthyst,

and the fourth row, a beryl, an onyx, and a jasper.

They shall be set in gold settings.

And the stones shall have the names of the sons of Israel, twelve according to their names, like the engravings of a signet, each one with its own name; they shall be according to the twelve tribes.

So Aaron shall bear the names of the sons of Israel on the breastplate of judgment over his heart, when he goes into the holy place, as a memorial before the Lord continually.

Exodus 28

I'm reminded this morning of how special I am in God's eyes. I am unique in every way because a topaz is not a sapphire and an onyx is not a jasper. Most importantly, He continually remembers me.

You & Me

What day is it? And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive

I can't keep up and I can't back down

I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me

And all other people

With nothing to do and nothing to prove

And it's you and me

And all other people

And I don't know why

I can't keep my eyes from you

Take My Hand, Precious Lord

Precious Lord, take my hand

Lead me on, let me stand

I am tired, I am weak, I am worn,

Through the storm, through the night

Lead me on to the light

Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home.

Comeback!

I haven't been updating much about my life of late, but one of the highlights in my life at the moment are the two sports group that I'm currently involved in. One would be the University's Running Academy and the other would be the Hearty Crayz Basketball Team. The running academy team that I was involved in took part in the Wellington Harbour Runs in the month of June and I participated in the 10k event. It was my very first 10k race as well as my first time running as part of a team. Let me just briefly talk about this running academy that I'm part of. It was started by a group of staff members from the university's gymnasium and because of their passion for running, they decided to help students that want to improve their running capabilities. Each member was given a personal training schedule and we meet twice a week; one for core training and another for group runs and activities. The staff members are all active runners and one of the trainers has a very impressive running record, ranking as one of the most promising runners in the country. Besides all those perks, the best part of the deal is that they never charged us a single dollar. Everything was done on a voluntary basis and they take lots of effort to educate and help us improve.

I was quite a regular in this team at first but as the weeks passed by, I kinda slacked due to other commitments and exams. At the finishing line, we all gathered and exchanged our finishing times. Since most of us did the 10k race event, we were able to compare our times. Turned out, I was the only one that finished the race beyond 60 minutes. All those that did the 10k finished below 60 minutes and I felt embarrassed in some way because I knew that my slacking was the reason behind my poor performance. Some of the members started with lots of trouble during the group run sessions and I remembered how we had to wait for them because their fitness were not up to par. But in the race, their time were all better than mine by a fair bit.

For Hearty Crazy, it has been a couple of months of weekly basketball games. We failed to win a single game throughout the whole season and though we came close in the last few weeks, we still lost. But last week, we finally got our first win. As a team we knew we deserved the win because we have been trying hard to improve our game. However, I would think that I was the exception. On the way back, Phil and Greg were filled with joy because they played more minutes than me and they were major contributors to the game. And when the win finally came, I understood how much it meant to them. But I wasn't really part of the games. Due to my slacking once again, I was only asked to get onto the court to relief some of the main players and give them some rest periods. Because of that, I wasn't able to experience the full extend of their happiness.

On Wednesday last week, I was at work and somehow I felt compelled to talk to God and as I allowed Him to speak, I begin to realize how my sports deterioration has been a reflection of my life as well. I am currently in the last weeks of serving as part of the committee for ICF and somehow there's this big shadow of complacency overshadowing me. It was as if I've given up in this journey of service and that desire to serve the Lord is slowly dying as each day passes.

But as God was talking to me, He reminded me of how I used to not hold back my efforts and joy in serving God and helping Him in the expansion of His Kingdom. But now, I shamefully admit that I am no longer experiencing that same joy. God then reminded of the time when I didn't do well in the 10k running event. Everyone put in their fair amount of effort to improve their running abilities while I slacked and in the end they enjoyed their fruits while I missed out. In basketball, I missed out on that joy of gaining our well-earned victory because I've not worked hard enough to bring up my level of gameplay. Using those examples, God was telling me that if I'm going to slack in helping God's Kingdom to grow, I'll miss out on that joy in the future. One day when everything concludes and God's Kingdom has finally come to realization, those that has worked hard for that day would be celebrating and rejoicing and I will not be able to experience the full extend of that joy.

It's easy to blame the situations in our lives and just settle for what we end up with.

I'm busy, so I can't make time to go for runs.

I'm too tired to take some time to do drills to improve my movements on the court.

I'm too burned out to serve God.

But I'm not satisfied.

I'm not satisfied with the fact that everyone clocked a good time at the race except me.

I'm not satisfied that the other players managed to improve their game except me.

I'm not satisfied with my lackluster performance as a servant of God.

And because I'm not satisfied, I'm challenged by God to make a change in those areas. Stepping of that comfort zone and get back on the tracks, court and journey is not easy. However, I trust that God is able to rekindle that flame in my heart, to be passionate over all these things again. There's only 2 more weeks till my next 10k race, 4 more weeks till the end of the basketball season and another month or so of being an ICF committee. I don't believe it's too late to redeem myself now and prove a comeback. If God is on my side, nothing's impossible. Watch me!